A few months ago, I wrote that saying, “I want to be a problem-solver” was enough to make me feel like I knew what direction I was traveling. Well now, that’s not enough anymore. My first year of law school is almost over, and I’m starting to think it’s about time that I get a better idea of what it I actually want to do when I graduate. And that starts with getting back to the root of it all, or why I decided to go to law school in the first place.
Generally, I think everyone who takes this path does so because they want to be problem-solvers, and the law is the best way they know how to do that: however, as I acknowledged in that previous post, the next question is whose problems you want to solve. As I’ve progressed further in my studies this year, I’ve started to fear that I may have been trying to convince myself I wanted to solve certain problems when perhaps my intuition was telling me something different. I hate that. I feel like this happens a lot.
So here it is: for the last year or so, I’ve thought that I wanted to do entertainment, media, or intellectual property law or, even more generally, corporate law. Or even employment law, which you also find in large firms, much like the other two. But I’m starting to think that I gave that answer primarily because I had become a little cynical (and still am, don’t get me wrong) and much more practical. At the same time, though, I know that I found those subjects interesting to a degree. But I think I was missing what it was about them that made them interesting and instead tried to dive into them because I expected that of myself, and maybe to a certain extent I felt that other people expected that of me.
A part of me really feels like I’m forgetting why I wanted to be a lawyer in the first place. The more I explored life at large firms, the more I felt like I wouldn’t be happy there. Young associates always insist they have free time, but really, how true can that be? I have a feeling we define “having a life” very differently. I’m the type of person who needs balance. I love working hard on something I feel is worthwhile, but I need time for myself and time with the people I love, too. There’s no way BigLaw will ever provide that, and although it’s a given that you’ll have to work weekends and pay your dues no matter where you get your first real job as a lawyer, it doesn’t have to be with work that quickly becomes meaningless.
I looked over all the classes I took in college to see if there was a topical pattern that would emerge. Of course, one will emerge by default because we all major in something, so there are inevitably going to be running themes. But even within your major, you typically concentrate in one area or another. The pattern in my course history seemed to center on culture, social and political movements, representation and storytelling, and the challenges of today’s interconnected/international world. It’s easy to see where the IP idea could have come from, but if I look at these themes more critically, I can see that many of them are tied to constitutional issues, especially First Amendment questions. All of which makes sense in light of my journalistic background.
Because of my experiences as a reporter, I care deeply about stories and the ability to tell them. The free exchange and publication of ideas is the only way journalism, in its purest form, survives. One of my favorite non-profits, The Tiziano Project, was founded by a USC alumnus and works to give people in conflict-ridden areas the tools and training to report on what’s going on around them. That kind of work is amazing: using your skills to make a real change and encouraging other people to do the same. In this case, making sure other people have the chance and the ability to tell their stories.
I’m starting to think that this is the heart of it. When I started to seriously consider going to law school, constitutional issues were at the forefront of my reason for doing so: preservation of freedom and civil liberties requires an understanding of where they come from and how they work (and don’t work) in today’s society. I suppose as a lawyer, I still want to do the same thing I wanted to do as a journalist–give people a voice, especially when they may not have one.
I have yet to decide how exactly to make this happen. But I’m hoping I’ll get a better understanding of that when I get more practical experience. I’ll contemplate this for a while, though. This really is a process for me, so this is good–although sometimes I wish I knew right away what I wanted like some of the friends who started law school with me.
What I need to remember is that I care–I want to care about the work I do. I want to do something that matters. (There’s the NDA mentality coming back!) In the cynicism of law school, it’s important to hold on to that. Because I do believe true justice can be achieved–it just takes work.
Fact: for every guy trying to win an election at all costs just for the sake of winning, there are at least ten men and women asking themselves, “How can we make [X] better? How can we make it so [X] reaches every corner of this nation so that everyone can benefit?” Call it defense, call it tech, call it health care, call it flight path optimization, call it daily deals. It is an incontrovertible fact that the people…actually care about something, and they share it every day, from dusk till dawn. This sense of connecting, of sharing, of testing and launching and improving the threads that make the very fabric of our society is ever present among this city and its denizens.
~ Emil Caillaux, “A (Non-Political) Ode to Washington, D.C.”
Suit Yourself 